da nuh — da nuh — da nuh – da nuh – da nuh – danuh danuh danuh danuh

Really, Anxiety?  Today?  All day long?

Today I was anxious.  Not just in part – lingeringly, from the moment of putting on my jacket to leave the house in the morning, right through til 85 seconds into class tonight.  That’s 11h, 4mins and 25 seconds.  da nuh — da nuh — da nuh – da nuh – da nuh – danuh danuh danuh danuh DANUH DANUH DANUH …

Normally I don’t notice it.

But what is “normal”, anyway?  And why should I have to “not notice it”?  But what is making me feel this way?  And who knows?

Why do I have to “be vulnerable” when I feel vulnerable, in a place where I *am* vulnerable?

Brene Brown is suuuuuper-awesome.  Really on truly.  And alright, in the office, I am not literally vulnerable.  But I am also not in a mindset to expose to my boss or colleague – or hey, even MYself – what it is that is making me on edge.

 

One step further toward the edge … who knows what is in that water…

Bricks in the Wall

Did they make you read George Orwell in school?

{bA : ∃ aA: b = a, b > a}

I distinctly remember his phrase from Animal Farm “All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others”.  Even as a 12 year old, it jarred, but I couldn’t comprehend it.

 

How about your times tables?

{bZ : ∃ aZ: b = 8a}

“Eight ones are eight, eight twos are sixteen, eight threes are twenty-four …”  In primary school we had a pinned-up grid where you could see everyone’s scores day on day.  I always got 100%, apart from the day I raced and got 12 wrong.  T-w-e-l-v-e: the number, not the times table.  I was so embarrassed my face burned; but I couldn’t fathom the learning in it.

 

Lunch time?

{bT : ∃ aP: b = a}

In sixth year we played shockey (indoor hockey) with the PhysEd teachers: teachers v pupils.  Generally I ran round with the plastic hockey stick in my hand for 45mins.  Once, I scored.  It was magic, the score was unequal … but it was significantly more than that: across all the lunchtimes – and regardless of the score – teachers, pupils, people were equal: I loved that hockey pitch.

 

And now?

20 > 4 * 5

This week we did 45 b**tard sprawls in our workout.  It’s akin to this Crossfit Burpee, but the internet doesn’t know about it: at the bottom of your push-up, shoot your arms out so you’re in a cross flat on the floor.  Thankfully, we did one set of 10, rest, one set of 15, rest and the final set of 20.  I’m glad that “four fives are twenty”, because four mini-sets of five of those b**tards were definitely easier than one set of twenty.

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